early morning

I went to bed early last night as I had a real lazy day and now I am wide awake. Have been watching TV about the earthquake and cyclone. Very sad.
Getting up early is normal for me but sometimes I wish it was not so early. lol. With the laptop having wireless now I can move around the house easier and watch TV at the same time. I have sewing I could do, but that is work and I am not in the mood for that just yet.
Getting back to my weight issues I guess I should have a food diary also. I am trying to follow the SMD but it is the sweet after dinner that I crave. I have worked out the 4pm issue. Start eating some of the dinner vege ie carrot/celery [which I will never take as a snack - that is an awful interpretation, but as a vege or part of dinner that I can do.] It is this early morning that I like milky coffee which I know is not in the "diet" but for me is a lifestyle thing.

I have worked out I have to change to this new lifestyle = i can never go back to my old life. This is one of the issues that stop me from growing forward. I really have to accept this new change even knowing that Mum and Sis do not really know what I am going through. They haven't lost a spouse yet. It is realising I am doing this for me and no-one else - I do not have my support partner-. It is still this selfish feeling and the taking time away from other ppl that I still feel guilty about. It is the finding the blocks of time where I am free and not needed that makes it easy to go to the pool and spend time there knowing I do not have to rush back to the boys. This makes it easier to focus on what I am doing and I guess - looking to the future - I will be able to do more. I would like to get back to a gym with the weights but I want to lose some of this fat and change my body shape before I go. I am uncomfortable with the shape I do have. I don't feel happy with it. I am getting more truthful about how things are really like.
as this is another day I should have a plan for today = ring for appt for bank, check on phone for Dad, sewing, start mending, pick up fruit from under tree, Get outside even if it is cold.
I hate the cold. I am not a winter person and soon it will be winter and I have 3 months to get through. what is worse I will have to watch the heating as I will not have the $$$ to have the full heating that I would like to have.